Vibeke Vindeløv REFLEXIVE MEDIATION WITH A SUSTAINABLE PERSPECTIVE DJØF PUBLISHING

Vibeke Vindeløv REFLEXIVE MEDIATION WITH A SUSTAINABLE PERSPECTIVE DJØF PUBLISHING

Reflexive mediation with a sustainable perspective

The Chinese view of conflict or crisis is dialectic. A crisis has both a beginning and an end; it contains dangers as well as opportunities, and this is shown in the Chinese character for 'crisis', which is composed of the characters for both these concepts. Our word 'crisis' is derived from the same word in Greek crisis, meaning decision, judgement.

Vibeke Vindeløv Reflexive mediation with a sustainable perspective Translated by Steven Harris DJØF Publishing 2012

Vibeke Vindeløv Reflexive mediation with a sustainable perspective Translated by Steven Harris 2012 by DJØF Publishing Jurist- og Økonomforbundets Forlag All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the prior written permission of the Publisher. Print: Narayana Press, Gylling Binding: Jysk Bogbind, Holstebro Printed in Denmark 2011 ISBN 978-87-574-2086-9 Sold and distributed in Scandinavia by: DJØF Publishing Copenhagen, Denmark Email: forlag@djoef.dk www.djoef-forlag.dk Sold and distributed in North America by: International Specialized Book Services (ISBS) Portland, USA Email: orders@isbs.com www.isbs.com Sold in all other countries by: The Oxford Publicity Partnership Ltd Towcester, UK Email: djof@oppuk.co.uk www.oppuk.co.uk Distributed in all other countries by: Marston Book Services Abingdon, Oxon, UK Email: trade.orders@marston.co.uk www.marston.co.uk

Table of contents Foreword... 13 Whom does this book address?... 15 The structure of the book and how it should be used... 16 Chapter 1. Conflict mediation with a reflexive approach an introduction... 19 Chapter 2. Underlying values and assumptions... 31 I. Values and assumptions... 31 Individuality and relations... 34 Mutual interdependence leads to shared responsibility... 35 II. Paradigms... 37 III. Short descriptions of the six well-known models... 41 a. The problem-solving, settlement-focused model... 41 b. The cognitive model... 42 c. The transformative model... 43 d. The narrative model... 44 e. The humanistic model... 44 f. The organic model... 45 IV. The reflexive model... 45 Part 1. Key concepts for mediation... 49 Chapter 3. An overview... 51 I. The basic principles of mediation... 51 II. Definition of conflict mediation... 52 III. Structure and flexibility... 55 IV. The conduct of the meeting... 56 5

Chapter 4. Conflicts and their escalation... 57 Introduction... 57 I. The concept of conflict... 58 Conflicts in context... 63 Reactions to conflict... 63 II. The cycle of conflict and the ripe moment... 65 III. The dimensions of a conflict... 66 IV. Psychological factors in a conflict... 71 V. Escalation... 78 Step 1: Disagreement... 79 The interface of conflict... 79 Step 2: Personification... 80 Step 3: The problem grows... 80 Step 4: Dialogue is abandoned... 80 Step 5: Images of hostility... 81 Step 6: Open hostility... 81 Step 7: Polarisation... 81 VI. The language of escalation and de-escalation ( Me -oriented language and seeing things from our own standpoint)... 83 Chapter 5. Truth, dialogue and culture... 87 I. Truth... 87 II. Contact... 93 III. Empathy... 94 IV. Dialogue... 96 V. Intercultural aspects... 98 Chapter 6 Active listening and movement in communication... 103 I. Positions, interests and needs... 103 Interests... 105 Needs... 106 III. Facts and feelings... 111 IV. Communication... 112 6

Chapter 7. Negotiation... 121 I. The negotiation minuet... 122 II. Different negotiating strategies... 124 1. The competitive negotiator: meeting fire with fire... 124 2. The co-operative negotiator: Who risks making concessions... 125 3. The problem-solving negotiator: firm on the case and open to the person.. 127 4. The Tit-for-Tat Strategy... 131 III. Effective negotiation requires preparation... 132 IV. Negotiating strength... 134 V. BATNA... 137 VI. Causes of failed negotiations... 138 Chapter 8. Voluntariness and confidentiality... 143 I. Voluntariness... 143 II. Confidentiality... 144 Chapter 9. Neutrality and impartiality... 149 I. Understanding the concepts... 149 II. Neutrakty in international conflicts... 153 III. The manager as mediator... 155 Chapter 10. Power and justice... 157 I. Introduction... 157 II. Power... 157 1. Distinations in power... 158 III. Power in mediation... 162 IV. Justice... 163 1. The concept of justice... 164 b. Justice in the courts and in mediation... 167 Chapter 11. Reconciliation... 171 I. Trust and reconciliation... 171 II. When is reconciliation relevant? an individual perspective... 173 III. The basis for reconciliation... 175 IV Reconciliation in a societal context... 178 7

Chapter 12. Mediation in international conflicts and the link between major and minor conflicts... 183 I. Introduction... 183 II. The link between international conflicts and individual conflicts... 184 III. Explanation of concepts... 185 IV. Differencer between the micro and macro level... 187 1. Escalation... 187 2. Neutrality... 189 3. Difficult negotiations... 191 V. The solution of international conflicts... 192 VI. Dilemmas over the choice of form of conflict resolution... 198 VII. The traditional and the new paradigms in international conflicts... 200 Chapter 13. Ethics and liability... 205 I. The expert and the reflective practitioner... 206 Discussion... 213 The reflective practitioner... 216 II. Ethics... 219 a. Standards for the professional conduct of mediators... 219 b. Professional ethics... 222 c. The mediator s personal ethical standards... 223 III. Mediators liability... 226 Part 2. A practical step by step description of mediation... 229 Chapter 14. Before the meeting... 231 I. The initiative for mediation... 231 II. What kinds of conflict are suitable for mediation?... 233 III. Consent to mediation... 234 IV. What information should the mediator have?... 234 V. Who should take part in mediation?... 236 VI. Payment... 237 VII. Where and when?... 237 VIII. Physical preparations... 239 IX. Mental preparations... 240 X. One or more mediators?... 241 XI. Mediation in groups multiparty mediation... 242 8

Chapter 15. Stage 1: Opening The first joint meeting... 245 I. Creating a good atmosphere... 245 II. Welcome, seating and presentation... 246 III. Information about the mediation process, rules of conduct... 248 Chapter 16. Stage 2: The submissions of the parties and dialogue... 253 I. How to reveal the underlying interests and needs of parties in conflict?... 258 1. Power in mediation... 261 2. How the mediator involves the question of justice... 265 3. Separate meetings (Caucuses)... 268 4. Often mentioned reasons for use of separate meetings:... 269 II. Who, where and how... 273 III. Confidentiality in separate meetings... 275 IV. The transition from separate meetings to a joint meeting... 278 V. Manipulation and separate meetings... 278 VI. Aids for the mediator... 279 Chapter 17. Stage 3: Defining the problem areas and setting the agenda... 283 Chapter 18. Stage 4: Generating possible solutions... 287 I. Brainstorming... 287 II. How to help the parties on their way... 291 III. Separate meetings... 293 Chapter 19. Stage 5: Negotiating the agreement... 295 I. Introduction... 295 II. Aids for the mediator in the negotiating phase... 297 a. Start with the easiest and change... 298 b. Look at the agreement as a whole... 298 c. Distinguish between the person and the argument... 299 d. Summarising, breaks, focus on the future... 299 e. Help the parties consider the best alternative... 299 f. Reality testing... 300 g. Point of despair... 301 h. Moderating high expectations... 302 i. Parties in deadlock... 302 9

j. Single text procedure... 303 k. Legal concerns... 304 Chapter 20. Stage 6: The agreement must be checked and approved... 307 I. Formalising the agreement... 308 II. Writing down the agreement... 311 III. The good agreement... 312 IV. The conclusion of the mediation... 314 Chapter 21. After the meeting... 317 I. Implementation... 317 II. The mediator s own post-mediation conduct... 319 Chapter 22. The parties do not keep to the agreement... 321 Chapter 23. Problematic mediations... 325 I. Characteristics of mediations which do not result in agreement... 325 a. Lack of motivation... 326 b. The absence of the real decision-maker... 327 c. Negative atmosphere... 328 d. Unpopular agreements... 328 II. Tips for tackling difficult situations... 329 Chapter 24. Lawyers and other professional advisers in mediations... 333 I. Clarification of roles... 333 II. Conflicts of interest... 337 III. Professional brotherhood... 338 Postscript. Mediation in the Nordic countries past, present and future... 339 Conflict as Property... 343 10

Annexes... 347 Annex A... 347 Annex B... 355 Annex C... 359 Annex D... 363 Litterature... 367 Index... 377 Figures Figure 1. The metaphor of the iceberg... 22 Figure 2. Paradigms... 39 Figure 3. The circular process of escalation, with action and psychological reaction... 72 Figure 4. The conflict ladder... 82 Figure 5. The mountains of positions... 104 Figure 6. Hierarchy of interests and needs... 105 Figure 7. The connection between facts and feelings... 112 Figure 8. Double acknowledgement... 118 Figure 9. Zero-sum negotiation... 126 Figure 10. The problem-solving negotiation... 127 Figure 11. ABC triangle... 186 Figure 12. Expanded ABC triangle... 186 Figure 13. Different settlements following wars and civil wars... 204 Figure 14. Riskin s Grid... 208 Figure 15. Seating for a mediation meeting... 240 11